Against Love

LOVE

The dictionary defines love as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection for another person. Sexual passion or desire for another person. All of these definitions of love represent that love is a beautiful caring emotion that will last a lifetime. In the essay, “Against Love” by Laura Kipnis, she says that love is a mysterious and controlling force that has power over our thoughts and demands our complete loyalty. She shows how love can be an ugly situation.
Kipnis makes a lot of major claims about love. The first major claim is that she begins to talk about “maturity” and “immaturity” in love. She says that immaturity in a relationship is a mate who has refused to settle down or once the mate has settled, looked for ways to escape the relationship. Then maturity would have to be staying faithful with your partner, but Kipnis finds it hard to believe that someone could truly stay faithful to their mate for a lifetime.
Another major claim by Kipnis, dates back to the 17th century where the innovation of happy love did not exist. Marriages back then were business arrangements between families; they had more to do about economy than about love. She states that some historians considered romance to be learned behavior through these romance. Kipner mentions that passion must not be allowed to die in a relationship. The fear that it brings upon us can shape us into conflicted beings. This is where Mutuality, comes into play, which means your partner has needs and you have to fully meet them. The one major requirement Mutuality needs is communication, because no one is a mind reader. You need to be able to communicate with your partner about what you find annoying about your mate and vise versa.
Once you have gotten pat mutuality, the next major clause by Kipler is advanced intimacy, which can be considered as “opening up” to another person. This involves letting our partner into our most innermost thoughts and expressing our feelings toward one another. This is an essential part for any relationship, that can leave you vulnerable but once you get past it brings you closer together with your partner.
Kipler talks about a list of reasons why love in impossible. Some of the reasons from the list involve mutuality and advanced intimacy. While some of the reasons contradict with each other. In all of the reasons, they all use the word “can’t” This list tells a number of ways you “can’t” do in a relationship say you can live in a wonderful partnership. This is how love is obtained.